Accepting Denial: Lessons from 50 Years of Writing Journey

Facing rejection, notably when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. An editor is saying no, delivering a definite “No.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I began submitting articles half a century past, just after college graduation. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and numerous pieces. Over the past two decades, specializing in op-eds, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I get a setback frequently—amounting to over 100 times a year. Overall, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

So, is this a complaining outburst? Far from it. As, now, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

For perspective: By this stage, nearly everyone and their relatives has said no. I haven’t tracked my acceptance statistics—that would be very discouraging.

A case in point: lately, an editor nixed 20 articles in a row before approving one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors vetoed my memoir proposal before someone approved it. Later on, 25 literary agents passed on a project. An editor even asked that I submit articles less often.

The Phases of Setback

Starting out, all rejections were painful. I took them personally. I believed my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

Right after a piece was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? How could editors be overlook my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and your publication is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, irritation at the rejecters, then anger at myself. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often mixed with false hope). How can I convince you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, despair. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become successful.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Examples

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was at first declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his school team. Most Presidents over the last 60 years had previously lost elections. Sylvester Stallone says that his script for Rocky and desire to appear were declined numerous times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to wake me up and keep moving, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Later, as I reached my senior age, I reached the last step of setback. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an reviewer may have just published a like work, or be planning one underway, or just be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Or, unfortunately, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the editor believes I don’t have the experience or standing to be suitable. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am peddling. Maybe didn’t focus and read my submission hastily to recognize its quality.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Many rationales for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Within Control

Additional reasons are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and appeal, or the point I am trying to express is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or a part about my punctuation, especially dashes, was offensive.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have achieved recognized. I’ve published several titles—the initial one when I was 51, my second, a autobiography, at older—and over numerous essays. These works have featured in newspapers large and small, in regional, worldwide sources. An early piece was published decades ago—and I have now written to that publication for 50 years.

Still, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no spots on TV programs, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily accept no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have softened the jolts of my frequent denials. I can now be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be helpful, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep taking rejection all wrong. So what teachings have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What